This last weekend I spent some time by myself at a bed and breakfast in Red Wing, Minnesota. I admit that I felt a little awkward being the only single in a Victorian house full of couples. But it was wonderful to get away and be surrounded by old and beautiful things.
It was an assignment, actually: to get in touch with my 'little girl.' When my counselor told me that I had to spend a weekend alone at a bed and breakfast, I was thrilled for the get-away but I was scared of being with myself for so long. I have successfully avoided being with myself for many, many years. I've avoided thinking about myself for a long time, too. After thinking for so long about doing what other people want to do, I had to think about me - and not feel bad about it. Boy, was that tougher than I thought.
And I stayed in the Queen's Room on Saturday.
I brought some books and read by the fireplace and journaled. I brought some paints and a photo of me as a little girl, hoping that would help me find her. I'm not sure that it did, but it was fun to paint anyways. I got a massage, went shopping, took a hot bath, drank some wine. It was all very relaxing.
The last morning I even got to meet a couple from the Cities who were so cool - and Christians to boot. I had a really great talk with the wife. It's neat how God arranged for that meeting. I like to think of it as one of His little gifts to me. One of the way He's showed up in this Time.
As a memento for my trip I chose to start a charm bracelet. With each momentous occasion or breakthrough on this journey I will add a charm. My first charm is a butterfly - for reasons I may or may not blog about in the future.
One of the things that I came away with from the weekend is that Jesus loves me. I know that's as elementary as the old song, but He actually loves me. He's proud of me for sticking with Him through it all. When I read that in a passage of The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning it pierced my heart and I had to shut the book and wipe my eyes.
He's proud of me for sticking with Him through it all. He knows about it all ... and He's proud of me. (wow.)